I heard we made out
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
