He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
