I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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