I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
