I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i love accidental penises.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
