he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize