my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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