just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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