a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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