you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
