i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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