life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
