sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
