Ambien. No doubt about it.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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