Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize