she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
