paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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