it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
