the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
