I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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