I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
