this just has baby written all over it
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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