Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
