So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
