And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize