What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
