I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
