your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
