dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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