I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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