he thought i was a dude.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize