i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Randomize
