whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I can text with my tongue
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
