My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
