Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
