I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
