the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
