I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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