My sheets look like a crime scene.
I met the friendliest cop last night
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Randomize
