I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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