If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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