Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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