Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
