You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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