I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
My bed smells like the plague
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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