dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
