Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
