just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize