You're so nebulous sometimes
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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