Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
