Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
