I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
