Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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