I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
