I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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