I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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