and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
