and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Randomize