Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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