By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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