I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
