A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
