I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
how do you play pong handcuffed?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
