Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
