I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
