I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
