you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
