Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
