I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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